Rough play can be a lot of fun. It’s a new way to introduce intensity in the bedroom and can bring both parties a lot of pleasure. And if you’re thinking of exploring BDSM with your partner for the first time, it’s important to plan it out.
While most people cover their boundaries, safe words, and other major concerns when trying out BDSM for the first time, aftercare is usually treated as an afterthought, no pun intended.
- What is aftercare in BDSM?
- Why is aftercare important?
- Understanding the “drop”
- Types of BDSM aftercare
- Does everyone need aftercare?
- Building your BDSM aftercare kit
- Aftercare is different to everyone
However, aftercare is one of the most important aspects when practising BDSM. It’s easy to get lost in the moment during BDSM sessions, and aftercare is there to “recalibrate” the brain and put you in the same mindset you were in before the session.
In this article, we’ll discuss some of the most important aspects of aftercare in BDSM, why it’s important, and how to practice aftercare when you’re finished with rough play.
Keep reading to learn more.
What is aftercare in BDSM?
Practising BDSM can give you a rush. However, not a lot of people consider what happens after the BDSM scene, especially if it’s their first time.
In BDSM, aftercare refers to the time after rough play when you and your partner are together to address your physical and emotional needs. BDSM can be both physically and emotionally draining, and aftercare is there to serve as a buffer before you go about your regular daily lives again.
Many people in the community refer to aftercare as “getting back into reality”. This is the part of the session where both of you let go of the characters and roles you played during the BDSM session and go back to your routine.
Why is aftercare important?
During rough play and BDSM, we usually take on roles that are very different from our day-to-day life. After all, humiliation, spanking, and taking on an authoritarian personality may be fun during BDSM when both partners are in that same headspace; it’s very different once it’s done.
You can think of aftercare as getting your relationship back to “normal”. Remember, BDSM is all about playing different roles in the bedroom and exploring new things with your partner. And even if you and your partner get really intense during rough play, this isn’t how you would want each other to act in your everyday life.
On top of that, many people seem to underestimate the physical toll of rough play. When you have intense sex and incorporate elements of BDSM, the body goes through a lot, whether you’re the sub or the dom.
For example, some couples don’t usually have sex that intense regularly. So, getting extra physical with your partner can result in you draining yourself. And on the flip side, being the dom or getting spanked, choked, and whatever else you and your partner agree on can be quite the endeavour as well.
This is why, aside from addressing each other’s emotional needs, aftercare is also about getting your body back to normal. This could involve resting, rehydrating, and settling down after having an intense BDSM session.
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Understanding the “drop”
In the BDSM community, there is something people refer to as the “drop” It’s also called the sub-drop because it mostly happens to the subs, but it isn’t uncommon for it to happen to the dom as well. This is basically the fatigue and sensations that you feel after rough play, which is sometimes compared to how a person feels after intense athletic activities and workouts.
The drop involves a rush of endorphins to the head, which may actually be a good sensation for some. However, it also leaves people feeling both physically and emotionally drained, which is why aftercare is crucial when practising and exploring BDSM with your partner.
Types of BDSM aftercare
Generally, BDSM aftercare is divided into two categories: physical and emotional. This is because rough play can take a toll on your body and emotions. And if you want to settle down properly, it’s best to address both these areas.
To help you out, let’s break down what usually happens during these two types of aftercare.
Physical aftercare
The first step in physical aftercare is removing any tools you used during rough play. So, if you tied each other up, start by removing the restraints. From there, you can start removing the toys and anything else you used during sex.
Additionally, it may also mean giving your partner something to eat and drink. Energy levels can go down after rough play, and people can get dehydrated. So, replenishing your body is also a crucial step in BDSM aftercare.
Other things you may do when practising BDSM aftercare is giving your partner warm clothing and a blanket to help them recover from the session. On top of that, you can also kiss and caress areas of the body to give your partner a warm and loving feeling. If there were any marks left from the session, caressing those areas could provide huge relief as well.
One common thing that couples do after rough play is an intimate and loving massage. This not only relaxes the body, but it can soothe the muscles and skin which may feel sore after an intense BDSM session.
Lastly, taking a warm bath and shower is also a great way to practice physical aftercare. This step can kill two birds with one stone as not only do you get to clear yourselves up, but it can also be a comforting moment that the two of you share.
Emotional aftercare
BDSM can drain a person emotionally as well. And emotional aftercare is there to ensure that you and your partner discuss the scene that you just played out in a healthy manner. During this step, it’s very important to speak honestly and talk about everything that happened, good or bad.
That way, you can better understand each other’s desires and needs when engaging in rough play. This can make for a much more pleasing experience the next time you try it out.
When discussing the scene with your partner, reassure them that their kink doesn’t make them “weird.” Additionally, it’s important to ensure that this conversation continues a couple of days after the scene when both of you fully recover.
That way, no one has any lingering negative feelings about the session, and everyone remains open in the relationship. On top of that, talking about the scene days after it happens can also get the two of you excited for the next time you decide to explore your BDSM fantasies.
Does everyone need aftercare?
While aftercare is important, it isn’t for everyone. There are some people that would prefer being left alone after the scene or would rather just cuddle up with their partner afterwards. And if you try to practice aftercare with these people, it might get uncomfortable for them.
This is why aftercare needs to be in the plan when exploring BDSM. Communication is one of the key things to remember when practising BDSM, so make sure that you and your partner discuss whether or not you will practice aftercare when the scene is done.
This is especially true if you’re just starting to explore the realms of BDSM. But for beginners, aftercare is highly recommended to discuss the scene and what both people felt while everything was going down. That way, you and your partner remain on the same page about each other’s sexual needs and desires.
Is aftercare only for subs?
A common misconception for people who aren’t in the BDSM community is that aftercare is just for subs. This is far from the case. Remember that “drop” we told you about earlier? Well, it’s something that doms can feel as well, especially after a very intense scene.
This is why communication is crucial. There are many doms that may feel the need for physical and emotional reassurance after a BDSM scene to reconnect with their partner and recalibrate before going about their day.
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Building your BDSM aftercare kit
One of the best ways to practice aftercare is by building an aftercare kit that you and your partner can use after the scene. This also helps you plan the scene out and prepares you for anything that may happen before, during, and after the scene.
To start, you want to build a kit with food and water. As mentioned earlier, not many people understand the physical toll of rough play until they try it out themselves. So, having some water and some snacks ready right after the session could be very helpful.
Additionally, you also want to have a first aid kit ready. When practising the rough play, some marks may be left from the session. So, you want to ensure that you have a first aid kit ready to disinfect and treat any wounds or injuries that may arise after practising BDSM with your partner.
On top of that, we also recommend having a blanket and some warm clothes in the kit. That way, if your partner feels cold and needs to rest right after the session, they will feel as comfortable as possible.
Aftercare is different to everyone
While BDSM aftercare can be a very important part of the process, keep in mind that it isn’t the same for everyone. Each individual has different needs, and aftercare is all about addressing those needs after a BDSM scene.
So, when figuring out the best aftercare for you and your partner, we highly recommend talking about it thoroughly and ironing out all your needs and potential needs. That way, you are both on the same page and are properly prepared for your BDSM scene.
And when you practice aftercare properly, both you and your partner will feel much more comfortable expressing and exploring your sexual desires as a team.
