Many of us have burning fantasies and secret desires. From interest in bondage to a thirst for impact play, kink can elevate your sex life from good to great. But, if you don’t have anyone to share your kinky interests with, can you still get your fix of BDSM play?
The answer is yes! While the play is fun with a willing partner, you don’t have to stop when you’re alone. If you don’t have any other BDSM lovers in your life right now, solo BDSM is a great way to explore kink.
- What is solo BDSM?
- How do you start self-BDSM play?
- What activities count as solo BDSM?
- Benefits of solo BDSM
Going solo is a perfect way to explore kinks in a judgement-free zone. This is especially helpful to anyone new to the scene, as you can get down and dirty without the pressure of another partner.
There is no better time to explore solo BDSM than on Global Orgasm Day. Here’s all you need to know to ensure the experience is safe and fulfilling.
What is solo BDSM?
If you’ve always thought BDSM was reserved for couples, get ready to have your mind blown. This play can complement solo masturbation sessions too.
Thanks to films and pornography, many of us associate BDSM with power dynamics in a couple or group relationship. Even sex toys advertise BDSM products with at least two people. But it’s time to break this misconception.
Solo BDSM refers to solo play and masturbation sessions where you add elements of BDSM. Instead of your partner tying you up or controlling your orgasms, you take your kinky pleasure into your own hands.
Self-bondage and solo kink are popular ways to explore your deepest fantasies. Plus, it removes the pressure from needing a partner to feel pleasure. Here, you can turn yourself on in an independent setting.
Can you really explore BDSM on your own?
Of course, exploring BDSM on your own often gives you more freedom than exploring it in a group session or couple. Solo BDSM is likely more common than you think, and there are varying intensity levels.
If you’re a beginner interested in playing alone, start by researching. Knowledge of safe BDSM and how to keep yourself safe is more important than ever. This is especially crucial if you’re interested in self-bondage and strict restraints. Tying yourself up might seem more difficult, and depending on your tastes, it can be. But the challenge can make the play even sexier and more appealing to some.
So, exploring BDSM on your own is completely viable. But, like partnered kink play, safety and comfort must be at the top of your list.
How do you start self-BDSM play?
Have you decided self-BDSM is the route for you? First of all, congratulations! Solo BDSM is one of the best ways to heighten your pleasure, and you might discover a new kink or two. But, now what?
We suggest sitting down and getting honest with yourself. Look in the mirror and ask, “What turns me on?”. Typical solo BDSM sessions include bondage and restraint play. But, if these don’t turn you on, you don’t have to include them. Only focus on what truly gets you going.
Stuck for ideas? Scroll down to see some of our self-BDSM suggestions.
When you’re ready to go and have all the necessary props and restraints, start touching yourself sensually. Make sure you’re relaxed, and don’t push yourself – this isn’t a race. Take your time to explore your solo kinks in a comfortable environment. Use your kinky imagination and allow it to guide you through the process.
Not ready to go it alone? If you’re nervous about going totally solo, there are some options to make you feel more comfortable.
During lockdown, many kinksters turned to solo play to fulfil their desires. Online BDSM professionals offered extra information and guides to safe, solo play. In addition to handy online guides, some professionals provide one-on-one coaching to ensure budding solo kinksters have expert knowledge.
Safety and solo BDSM
Before you start your solo BDSM session, make sure you’re clear about safety. Research is the best way to prep your solo BDSM knowledge, but it’s always advised to start slow and build up.
Here are our top tips to ensure safe and fun solo BDSM play:
- Never restrict blood flow or airways
- Aside from your own hands, never put any materials around your neck
- Beware of potential sub-drop, also known as endorphin shock. This can lead to injury or disassociation
- Take it slow and listen to your body
- If anything stops feeling fun or arousing, slowly stop the play
- Practice aftercare when you finish your session. Rehydrate, comfort yourself, and allow yourself time to come down
What activities count as solo BDSM?
Looking for inspiration for your solo BDSM play? Don’t go anywhere.
Here are the top options for some exciting solo play:
Self-bondage
Self-bondage is the act of using restraints on yourself in a solo session. Like partnered bondage play, there are varying levels of difficulty. Beginner solo-bondage involves ties that can be released easily, and experienced play may require a release mechanism.
Bondage play can be separated into two categories, sensual self-bondage and strict-self bondage. Sensual self-bondage involves keeping the key to your restraints within reach. In this play, you can free yourself easily.
Alternatively, strict self-bondage removes the ability to escape. Here, a release mechanism activates after a pre-selected period of time. This provides a more intense experience but comes with higher risks of harm.
Interested in Shibari? This gorgeous rope play isn’t off-limits, either. Online guides are available to teach you how to tie yourself with basic knots and harnesses. These patterns look so good you’ll want to share them in your next couple’s session.
Impact play
Another common BDSM practice is impact play. Also known as spanking or flogging, impact play is a popular turn-on for kinksters as it releases endorphins. Start by gently hitting your thighs and increase the power as you go.
If you’re experienced in this area, you might want to add a paddle – but if you’re new to impact play, start with your hand. Educational videos are found all over the internet, including YouTube, so start here if you have no prior experience.
Sensation play
Do you like it hot or cold? Well, with solo play, you can have it your way. Sensation play includes using different temperatures to heighten sensation. Ice cubes or candle wax are typically used in foreplay but adding these to your masturbation sessions can rock your world.
If you plan on adding heat to your session, make sure you research wax play. Not all candles are body safe, and you should avoid pouring wax on sensitive areas. Remove any flammable items from your space before your session too.
Sensation play can be very sensual. Go slowly and experiment with temperatures, textures, and different rhythms. It’s also advised to mix hot and cold for a sensory fusion. Add ice cubes to your wax play for a whole new feeling.
Orgasm control
Orgasms are amazing, but what happens when you deny yourself pleasure? Orgasm control, denial, and edging are popular techniques for adding power play into your solo sessions.
If you’re interested in mental domination, experiment with stopping yourself when you are about to orgasm. Edging is a popular way to build yourself up and make orgasms even more intense. If you don’t feel comfortable stopping yourself, there are plenty of JOI (jerk-off instructions) videos and audio tapes online where a professional will guide you through your orgasm.
Benefits of solo BDSM
Still not sold on a session of solo BDSM play? Here are some of the top reasons kinksters forgo partners and experiment solo:
- Your needs and desires only. Solo BDSM allows you to look deep inside yourself and experiment with your secret fantasies. Whether you’re an out and proud kinkster or slowly learning more about BDSM, there’s something freeing about focusing on your own desires
- Judgement-free zone. The BDSM community is well-known for being accommodating and judgement-free. However, if you’re still learning about your turn-ons, you might want to start with a solo session first
- You set the pace. It can be difficult to accommodate each other’s rhythms when playing with a partner. Solo play allows you to go super slow if desired, or you can catch a speedy orgasm if needed
- Increased sexual confidence. BDSM, in general, can do wonders for your sexual confidence, allowing you to own your kinks. Practising solo BDSM can lead to more fulfilling sex with future partners, as you know what you enjoy
- Better kink knowledge. Finally, learning more about BDSM and kinks will improve your sexual literacy. If you decide to play in a couple or group setting, you’ll know how to be safe and sexy
Switch up your usual self-love routine with some solo BDSM. Whether you’re dipping your toes into the kink pool or diving in headfirst, use these tips as inspiration for your sessions. Always remember to play safely and take it slow for the best orgasms.
