all need a helping hand now and then, even when it comes to sex. Whether you’re at the start of your sexuality journey or an experienced lover, it’s always good to have some lesbian and queer sex tips on hand to ensure your beau has a satisfying time. And you, too!
Today, we’re focusing on 11 sex tips for queer women. These inclusive tips are for all who identify as queer, as not all women have vulvas.
Scroll down to get the lowdown and boost your bedroom routine ASAP.
1. Don’t forget pillows
When you think of queer sex, do pillows come to mind? Probably not. However, using pillows and blankets to lean on or prop your partner up can take sex from good to great. These take the pressure off your body and allow you to lay back and focus on the pleasure.
2. Oral isn’t your only choice
Many boil lesbian and queer sex down to an oral-only experience. But this couldn’t be any further from the truth. Alongside your tongue, make use of fingers, sex toys, and strap-ons. The possibilities are endless, and there’s nothing wrong with playing outside of the box.
3. Double stimulation
If you’re playing with a vulva-owning lover, don’t be afraid to insert your fingers into her vagina while performing cunnilingus. This stimulates both the clit and vagina, which, for most women, provides stronger orgasms.
4. Use condoms on toys
Condoms aren’t just for penis owners. STIs can spread through sex toys. So, wrap them up to protect your health.
Bonus tip: Wash your sex toys after every use! Toy cleaner or unscented soap will work.
5. Cut your nails
Perhaps the most important rule of queer sex. No one wants to feel long or pointy nails inside them! This can be painful, and cuts are an absolute mood killer. Go short, or don’t go inside.
6. Use delays
Hold back for a few seconds if your partner is begging for more. Using delays can make the moment even sexier and drive your partner wild. Rather than going for it, kiss her thighs until she can’t take it anymore.
7. Start slow or small
Not everyone likes the same thing. Some enjoy penetration, and others don’t. So, don’t go all-in. First of all, ask them what they like. Then, start slowly with just a fingertip rather than a couple of fingers.
8. Remember not all bodies are the same
Lesbian and queer bodies are all different. Some women have vulvas, and others don’t. You can’t apply one sexual formula to everyone.
Instead, ask your partner how they want to be touched. You may also want to discuss how they want their gender or sexual identity to be validated in the bedroom. This way, you’re on the same page throughout.
9. Remember the thighs
Did you know the thighs are an erogenous zone? While eating out, pay extra attention to the upper and inner thighs. This area is super sensitive for many and can add to the experience.
10. Orgasm isn’t the goal
This tip might stump some readers. However, it’s true of all sexual encounters. Rather than putting pressure on reaching an orgasm, just focus on the pleasure and sensations.
Anyway, you’re more likely to cum when you simply enjoy the ride.
Hint: This is because they’re less under mental pressure and stress.
11. Vary your oral technique
To newbies, oral sex might seem like a scary feat. You have so many options, but which will actually please your lover?
If you have no idea and your partner hasn’t told you what they like, the best method is to focus on kissing, licking, and gently touching the clitoris. Combine this with some larger licks to the whole vulva for a body-shaking effect.
For the best experience, check in with your partner and ask what feels best during the act.
Lesbian and queer sex: How to communicate
Alongside the tips above, you must brush up on your communication skills. As with any sexual interaction, lesbian and queer sex requires boundaries, open conversations, and honesty.
Talk to your partner about what they enjoy, and share your expectations and boundaries. Make sure you both give enthusiastic consent and check in with each other throughout the play.
Understanding each other’s desires and comfort levels will ensure you create a safe and sexy experience.
Remember, no means no. If you or your partner want to stop at any point, you must listen and act accordingly.
What if it’s your first time?
If it’s your first time having queer or lesbian sex, you might feel like a deer in headlights. This is completely normal, but you must still prioritise consent, boundaries, and communication.
Be honest with your partner. You may even encourage them to take the lead. No one starts off with all the knowledge or skills.
It’s best to keep an open mind. Any stress or worries can distract you and take you out of the moment. Start with kissing and gentle touches, and see where your attention goes.
Why you shouldn’t base your expectations on porn
Porn can be a great way to visualise sex and get yourself hot and bothered. However, you mustn’t use it as an expectation.
Most porn films are shot in several takes and have a team of set dressers, make-up artists, and art directors on hand to catch the perfect shot. So, expecting your love life to resemble a movie isn’t realistic.
Similarly, lots of lesbian and queer pornography is intended for heterosexual men to enjoy. This doesn’t mean queer women will enjoy it. But it does skip some of the more intimate moments and touches that queer women prefer.
Consider switching to ethical porn or porn made by women and queer-owned studios for a more amateur feel.
The takeaway
Embracing queer sex can be nerve-wracking, but it shouldn’t be! As long as you’re open, honest, and with someone you trust, the experience will be positive. Bookmark this page so you don’t lose this vital info.
