On a scale from 1 to 10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?
Reflecting on sex and pleasure is essential to being sexually active, but not one many of us actually embrace. Looking at your sex life and actively trying to improve it can leave you feeling more fulfilled, especially if you delve deeper into your desires.
Don’t worry if you don’t know where to start. That’s why we’re here to help you. In this blog, we’re setting out the top 8 questions to ask yourself if you want to improve your sex life. From learning more about your needs to discovering new kinks, these questions are designed to make you think.
Have a partner? If you feel comfortable, ask them to join you. Answering these questions in a safe space can open up further conversations and allow you to explore new frontiers.
Let’s get started.
1. How satisfied am I with my current sex life?
We’re starting the list with the big one – how satisfied are you with your sex life?
It’s okay if you’re not satisfied. Acknowledging that you’d like to experience more allows you to explore new fetishes and kinks. It also tells you that you might need to invest some time exploring your sexuality – but only if sex is your priority. It’s different for everyone.
Likewise, you can also be satisfied and want to try different things. There’s always room to try something new, so approaching this topic with an open mind is paramount.
2. Which areas of your body cause arousal?
Do you know what erogenous zones are?
Erogenous zones are points on your body that feel pleasurable when stimulated. Knowing which zones feel best for you can increase your arousal and even lead to new types of orgasms. Consider exploring some of these with your partner or solo to get to know your body better.
Some erogenous zones include:
- Neck
- Small of your back
- Ears
- Inner wrist
- Scalp
- Mouth/lips
- Hands
- Nipples
- Lower stomach
- Inner thighs
- Feet
- Genitals
And the list goes on. We have over 30 possible erogenous zones, so take your time exploring them.
3. How does my sex drive work?
Your sex drive (AKA your libido) determines how often you desire sexual activity. Your sex drive can be low or high depending on various reasons, and there’s no normal you need to achieve.
However, understanding how often you enjoy having sex can help you add it to your routine and plan for better loving.
For example, those with higher sex drives may want to schedule solo sessions to meet their needs throughout the week. On the other hand, those with lower sex drives may wish to plan their weekly sex sessions at a time when they feel best to make the most of them.
This question has no correct answer, so focus on what feels best for you.
4. Do I need a partner to match my libido?
If you’re in a relationship, you might want to compare your libido to your partner’s. Couples don’t need to break up if they have mismatched libidos. With compromise, it’s possible to work around.
However, one of the best ways to work around different libidos is to make the most of the time when you’re both in the mood. One partner might be too tired for sex in the work week. So, going all out on the weekend bridges the gap for both parties.
Experiment and see what works for you.
5. Can I comfortably talk about sex with a partner?
If you’re exploring these questions, it already means you’re interested in boosting your sex life and aren’t afraid of some deep questions.
But can you discuss them with a partner? Talking to a longtime partner or a casual hook-up can help you improve your sex life and your experience. However, you just need to get over the awkwardness first.
Use active listening, “I” statements, and boundaries to have a safe conversation that lays your sexual cards on the table. You’ll thank yourself for doing it once you finally act out that scenario you’ve fantasised about for weeks.
6. Do I make time for pleasure and sex?
This is a simple one. How much time do you dedicate to sexual pleasure?
If you’re a bit frustrated, you might want to add a few extra sessions to the calendar. Sex lowers your blood pressure, improves your immune system, and boosts self-esteem. Just a few reasons to go for it!
7. What turns you on?
This question sounds simple, but it’s definitely not!
Knowing your specific turn-ons makes sex much more exciting. So, ask yourself, what seriously gets you going? If you’re not sure, it’s time to investigate. Try reading some sex-positive media or try some new positions. You can also read some erotic fiction or watch some porn to see what kinks and fetishes are out there.
Whatever you do, have fun with it. This is the time to get to know yourself better and have fun because sex is much better when you’re 100% into it.
Let’s put it this way, would you rather eat a pizza with your favourite toppings or one with bland ones? We know our answer.
8. Am I self-confident?
Finally, we’re ending the list with a big question – how is your self-esteem?
This might seem unrelated, but body confidence and self-esteem are significant factors in sexual enjoyment. In fact, studies have even linked better self-esteem to higher libidos, proving it’s time to be body-positive.
Start appreciating your body and putting your health first to get started. This way, you’ll take care of yourself and likely see mental and physical results in the bedroom.
Extra questions
Want to delve even deeper? Here are some bonus questions to explore:
- What does consent look like to you?
- Are you dominant or submissive?
- What am I not into?
- What’s something you’ve always fantasised about?
- What does my ideal sex life look like?
The takeaway
Hopefully, these questions have opened up your curiosity and helped you start the journey to improve your sex life. Remember, trial and error is critical when exploring new things. So, don’t be dismayed if you’re not into everything. Just follow your desire.
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