Certified sex educator, Gigi Engle, teamed up with Vivastreet to answer your questions on the best days, times and places to have sex, from the benefits of having sex at certain points in the week, to creative ways to change up your routine.
Want to know Gigi’s opinion on sex education and its benefits? Read the previous Q&A here.
There are countless benefits to having sex at the top of the week. It’s a really great way to begin your week on a positive, uplifting note. Sex is a way for couples (and partners, in general) to connect and build intimacy. It fortifies the bond between partners and sends the message that you’re in this thing called life together – you’re a team – and you value each other as partners and lovers.
We often get so bogged down with our to-do lists, our kids, chores, and work – that we forget that our intimate connection with our partners needs care and nurturing. Our sexual relationships are a bit like houseplants – they need lots of TLC in order to survive and thrive. I think when we prioritise sex as something that is important to kick off our busy weeks. When we view it as so important that we pop it down as one of the first things we do – we help to solidify the connection and keep our relationship tended to and healthy.
Now, I’m not suggesting that having sex at the top of the week is the “only way” or “right way” to go about sex. Rather, it’s about making it a priority. So, whether you’re having sex on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday – or whenever – it’s about ensuring it is important to you and your partner(s).
In this mindset, sex isn’t going to be shoved aside to make room for “more important” things because it is viewed as something essential to your life and overall happiness. We’re making the time for it, no matter what.
And there’s more to it, too. Orgasms are just generally so good for our mental health. They help reduce anxiety, build our mind-body connection, and improve sleep quality. We live busy and hectic lives.
Orgasms (whether partnered or solo) should be recognised as falling under the self-care umbrella. Get it on the calendar and make it a part of the routine in order to reap the benefits.
Want to know more about Britain’s favourite days and times to have sex?
I know this may sound a bit obvious: But use your imagination. I’d start by having a discussion about fantasies. What are you into? What is something your partner has always wanted to try? This can be a helpful springboard to get erotic conversations going. And this can help set a foundation for a roleplay scene – the ultimate way to take your home from a familiar, cosy space into an erotic playground.
Roleplay is a really fun way to change things up during sex. Our brains have infinite potential for concocting scenes. We can think of the most elaborate scenarios, ones that can both elate and terrify us. The mind is a wild, untethered mess of our thoughts, feelings, images we’ve seen, and on and on and on.
It’s just playing pretend. As long as you’re not acting on anything illegal or particularly dangerous, and everyone in the scenario is a consenting adult, do your thing.
There are a million different ways to roleplay, you just have to find what works for you. There is no right or wrong way to participate, as long as you’re being safe and conscientious of everything and everyone around you.
Some common roleplay scenarios:
Basically, there are no limits. Go wild with that brain of yours!
Next, take advantage of items you have at home to use in your scenes. You don’t need to buy expensive gear to have adventurous sex. A spatula makes a great paddle for spanking; a tie can be used to tie each other up; your hallway mirror can be used to enhance the experience; olive oil even makes a decent lube. Like I said, be creative.
Try bending over the dining room table or having your partner go down on you while sitting on the kitchen island.
We humans crave novelty to keep the sexual fires roaring – and sometimes pumping it up can be as simple as getting out of the old routine and changing up the environment.
First things first, let’s talk about why scheduling sex is important for couples. Having scheduled sex may not sound like the sexiest thing ever, but it’s actually a really useful tool to enhance intimacy and keep your sex life alive.
I’ve said this already, but we tend to throw sex on the bottom of the “to-do” list. It’s viewed as this not-so-important thing that we’ll only end up doing if there’s time for it. Well, guess what? There’s never time to “get to it”. Life is hectic! We all have busy schedules, a ton of responsibilities, and endless errands and chores. We wind up burnt out, exhausted, and certainly not in the mood for spontaneous sex.
That’s why having a “sex date” is a special time you and your partner carve out for just the two of you. It shows commitment to your sex life. Plus, when you have sex on the calendar, it takes some of the pressure off to have it when you’re hot and horny – which doesn’t happen often in long-term relationships.
It’s important to take what the sex might look like into consideration. We put so much pressure on PIV intercourse that we forget that “sex” can mean anything we want it to. It can include cuddling, making out, roleplay, oral sex, hand sex, sensual massage, etc… When we broaden our definitions of what sex and intimacy look like, we can vastly expand our sexual horizons – and feel a lot more satisfied with the kinds of sex we’re having – and the quality of that sex. Sex should be about mutual pleasure and creating connection, not trying to fit into a “box” of what you think sex “should” be.
Get sex on the Gcal. Block out a time in the morning or evening when you’re both consistently at home. Try to lock in at least 30 minutes – but an hour is preferable. This weekly sex date should be a priority for both of you. It’s a time to connect, be together, and reaffirm your intimate connection. Don’t skip it!
Gigi Engle, ACS, CSE, CSC, is an award-winning feminist author, certified sex coach, sexologist, and sex educator. As a brand expert with Lifestyle Condoms, she promotes and teaches about pleasure-based sex education, masturbation, and safer sex practices. Gigi’s work regularly appears in many publications including Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women’s Health. Her articles have been shared over 50 million times, with her top posts reaching over 150 million shares. In 2019, Gigi was named Journalist of The Year at the Sexual Freedom Awards. Her book, All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life, is available wherever books are sold.
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