Did the title catch your attention?
Talking about orgasms (or the lack of them) is enough to make most people blush. So, when your client doesn’t reach a satisfying end, it might leave you with some questions.
This National Orgasm Day, we’re answering these common questions so you can improve your sessions and ensure your punters feel comfortable.
Scroll down to get the lowdown now.
Why didn’t my client cum?
A client that’s taking a little while to get to the finish or hasn’t been able to cum might throw you off when you’re new to sex work. However, as experienced professionals know, this is a common experience.
Whether from nerves or other reasons, clients not finishing isn’t a rare occurrence. After a quick search on sex worker forums, you’ll realise that it’s totally normal for your clients not to make it to the end.
You mustn’t take this to heart. A client not cumming has nothing to do with your experience, looks, or skills.
Booking an escort session and being vulnerable with another person can leave clients feeling embarrassed and out of their comfort zone. Even though they’re enjoying the session, this can place a mental block on their ability to orgasm.
It’s more common for first-time punters and virgins to not make it to the finish line. However, this isn’t a blanket rule. Clients who have been booking services for years may also experience this occasionally.
Reasons clients may not orgasm
If your client doesn’t cum, don’t interrogate them or make them feel ashamed. It’s perfectly normal not to cum.
However, if you’re curious, we’re here to help. Here are some reasons someone may not orgasm even if they’re enjoying sex:
- Medication (e.g., antidepressants and SSRIs)
- Age
- Hormonal disorders
- Stress, depression, or anxiety
- Sexual trauma
- Embarrassment or shame surrounding sex
As you can see, some of the causes of postponed or lack of orgasm are quite personal. It’s best not to pry into these unless the client voluntarily brings them up.
What should you do if the client doesn’t orgasm?
So, it’s not so rare for clients to finish sessions without an orgasm. But what should you do next time this happens during one of your bookings?
The best response is to handle the situation with empathy. Likely, the client is already nervous or feeling ashamed. The last thing you want to do is make them feel worse about the situation.
If you’re in the middle of the act, you may want to keep going for a little longer to give them another chance to finish. However, you must verbally check in with them and ask them how they’re doing.
They might tell you that they want to stop. Or you can slow down the pace of the sex until a natural pause. Use this moment to ask what they’d like to do.
After stopping, don’t start asking lots of questions about whether they enjoyed it. Instead, take control of the conversation and tell them how much you enjoyed it—even if this isn’t strictly true. This will make them feel more comfortable and boost their confidence, reducing their shame.
If they bring up their inability to cum, remind them that it’s normal and let them know that it’s happened with clients before. Building this repertoire will help them be less embarrassed and make them feel safe with you. This may lead to them rebooking in the future.
The pressure of orgasms
Orgasms and sex go hand in hand. But if you approach every sexual encounter with an orgasm as the end goal, you’re more likely to stress yourself out and delay orgasms.
When we’re feeling stressed or under pressure, we’re less likely to orgasm as our mind isn’t relaxed, and we are out of the mood. So, it’s best to reframe how you (and your clients) enjoy intercourse.
Rather than building up to a finish, focus on enjoying the touch sensations. Notice how each type of touch feels different. Play with textures, speeds, and temperatures. Be mindful and present in the moment.
Treat each session as a chance to play with a client. Break the ice with some informal chat and lots of foreplay. All of this will help your client relax into the situation and will make orgasm a stronger possibility.
Escorting and non-sexual company
Not all punters approach sex workers for sexual experiences. For some, achieving an orgasm isn’t even in their mind. Instead, they’re more concerned with spending some quality time with another person.
These types of clients sometimes enjoy getting drinks or meals with escorts. They may even just want to have a conversation in a hotel room.
Escorting without sex might sound like a dream to some, but it’s not for everyone. Sometimes, dealing with these clients requires a lot of emotional labour, and you must set strong boundaries between your personal and professional personas.
Similarly, some clients might demand that you drop your rates since you’re not providing sexual services. You shouldn’t do this, though. Once you drop your rates for one client, they might start asking for more discounts.
You’re a professional service provider and should charge fairly for your time. You wouldn’t ask your hairdresser or window cleaner for less money, so don’t let clients who don’t want sexual services bully you into charging less.
Another thing to consider if you want to see clients for non-sexual sessions is how much of your life you share with them. Friendships and dinner dates naturally have more conversations. Ensure you maintain a layer of privacy and keep yourself safe. Never let anyone know your real name, address, or other personal details.
The takeaway
Navigating a no-orgasm booking can be intimidating. However, approaching the situation with empathy and care will ensure you and the client feel comfortable and may lead to more satisfying future finishes.
It’s also helpful to understand that orgasms aren’t the ultimate goal of a session. Focus on what feels good for the client and enjoy the ride.
Learn more about sex work and how to impress clients on the Vivastreet blog.
