Fun fact: The words “sadism” and “masochism” first came about in 1886.
While those terms are relatively new, the enjoyment of sadism, masochism, and BDSM (short for bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism) has likely been around since the beginning of human history. Everyone has a certain sexual preference and some people enjoy being submissive while others enjoy being dominant.
- What is a dominant?
- Types of doms
- How to be dominant in bed
- What you can do as a dominant
- The takeaway
Sexual dominance can come in many forms, but it always involves the submission of your partner. But what if you would like to try dominance BDSM but don’t know where to start because you’ve never tried it before? Don’t worry because everyone has to start somewhere.
Keep reading and learn more about what it means to be dominant in the bedroom.
What is a dominant?
When it comes to the question of “What is a dominant” there is no one answer. That’s because the world of dominant sex and BDSM is very versatile. This is ideal because it can allow people to express themselves sexually in any way they want.
But being BDSM dominant does have certain traits that make it unique. Many people believe that only men can be dominant in the bedroom, but this is not always the case. While it is often true that many men enjoy being sexually dominant, many women enjoy this pleasure as well.
There are also some people who enjoy being both dominant and submissive but at different times. These people call themself a switch. For that reason, you shouldn’t worry too much about how to be a dom because there are no hard and fast rules. Plus, no one is going to quiz you on how much of a dom you are.
The key thing to consider when it comes to how to be dominant in BDSM is that you are the partner who is going to be in control. This means that your partner will need to submit to you to a certain extent and it is your responsibility to get your partner to submit. Dom and sub play often can sometimes lean into the world of roleplay sex and fantasy which can make the sex even more enjoyable.
How to be dominant in bed doesn’t always mean being rough. It also doesn’t always have to involve paddles, whips, and chains (although it certainly can if you and your partner are into that). Knowing that can make all the difference between knowing how to be a good dom or ending up as a bad dom.
Types of doms
How to be sexually dominant doesn’t have to be difficult, especially once you find your niche.
The master dom is the kind of dom that most people tend to think of in BDSM. It is a type of respectful dominance and it often involves slave play.
Slave play is when the submissive partner does whatever the master dom wants. As such, the master dom is very much a “master” and the submissive may even call the dom by that name. Master dominance is not necessarily about inflicting pain on the submissive.
Rather, it is about owning the submissive. The dom will teach the sub what the dom likes and the sub will perform servant-like duties as a result. These duties may be sexual or non-sexual.
The sadist dom is a dom that inflicts pain onto the sub who is, ideally, a masochist. This is a typical scenario in the world of BDSM and it can be very pleasurable for both partners. One will enjoy inflicting pain while the other will enjoy receiving it.
The sadist dom may use paddles or whips to inflict pain on the sub. There may be some other tools involved to inflict humiliation as well onto the sub such as handcuffs or spreader bars. Because sadist dominance can get quite intense, it is important to have a safeword ready.
That way, if things get too intense for the sub, the sub can stop things at any time.
There is also the daddy dom. The daddy dom is the most caring and tender of the doms and, as the name suggests, the dom plays more of a protective, fatherly role. This is ideal if you and your partner don’t want to get too rough but still want some dom and sub play.
How to be dominant in bed
Now that you know about the main types of doms, you should understand that being dominant in bed isn’t always about being rough. Rather, it is about having a certain power and control over your partner. Being dominant also doesn’t mean that you have to inflict pain and humiliation on your partner.
In the case of the daddy dom, you can still be dominant and exert your control while being gentle and caring. But if you’ve never tried being a dom in bed before, where should you start?
Starting by telling your partner about your desires is always a good beginning.
If your partner is a sub or a switch, you shouldn’t have a problem being dominant in bed. If your partner has more dominant tendencies, you might have to fight for control. In this case, it is best to take turns being dominant so both parties can be satisfied.
When it comes to how to not be dominant, you will end up as a bad dom if you don’t take your partner’s considerations seriously. That’s another reason why having a safeword is important. The sub will be able to tell you when enough is enough with a safeword and you should always respect that.
There is also the question of what kind of props and tools to use in the bedroom. Should you start with the giant leather whip right away? Probably not.
Instead, starting slow is always a good idea for both you and your sub. Starting slow will allow you to get accustomed to what it means to be a dom. You will also have time to discover what you like and don’t like.
What you can do as a dominant
There are many ways to express yourself as a dominant. Things also can go beyond whips and chains and instead can even get creative. For example, some doms enjoy the beauty of shibari.
Shibari is a type of rope bondage invented by the Japanese hundreds of years ago. It was originally used to transport prisoners, but today it is often used in certain forms of BDSM. Shibari is unique because it is not sloppy.
Rather, it involves a certain art and positioning the sub in a certain position with the ropes. The position you put the sub in can induce humiliation or it can be more artistic, depending on what you want the result to look like. Keep in mind, however, that shibari is not for beginners and that you can easily injure your sub if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.
Spanking is a very easy way to express your dominance, especially if you are just beginning your journey in BDSM. Spanking is even great for daddy doms who tend to be more tender because it doesn’t hurt as much as other BDSM methods, especially when you only use your hand instead of a paddle. It is an easy way to punish your sub and show them who’s boss.
Handcuffs and blindfolds are also typical items in a BDSM lover’s toolbelt. Blindfolding your sub can offer heightened sensations and anticipation. Your sub won’t be able to tell what you’re going to do next.
Handcuffs, of course, are a classic way to control your sub. They are also much easier to restrain your sub than shibari or other rope techniques. By handcuffing your sub to the bed or a piece of furniture, you will be able to have complete control.
Tips for being a good dom
As mentioned before, being a dom doesn’t always mean that you have to be rough. Being a good dom means respecting when your sub needs a break or needs you to be less intense. This is especially true if you and your partner enjoy extreme sadism and humiliation play.
You should also keep in mind that aftercare is very important in all forms of BDSM. While aftercare is important for both the sub and the dom, it is usually more important for the sub because of all the sub has to go through. Aftercare is different for every couple, but it usually involves cuddling and recharging.
Try giving your sub a massage or getting some snacks and water. This will help both of you unwind and the tension of the BDSM play will unwind. If your sub has any scratches or bruises from your BDSM session, be sure to take care of those.
The takeaway
Because there are so many forms of sexual dominance, you won’t have any problem expressing your dominance in the bedroom.
Whether you are a daddy dom or a master dom, you can use all sorts of techniques to bring pleasure to yourself and your partner.
