Whether you’re newly sober or a long-time teetotaler, the idea of having sober sex for the first time is often enough to make your palms sweaty. But why is having sex without the sauce like losing your virginity all over again? Spoiler alert: It doesn’t have to be!
Having sober sex for the first time doesn’t have to be a nerve-inducing experience, and we’re here to guide you through it.
In this article, we’ll tackle why sober sex is such a divisive issue and how you can feel more confident when the moment arrives.
Why is sober sex more difficult?
Let’s not beat around the bush – if you’re used to getting down and dirty after a few drinks, the idea of removing alcohol from sex might make you feel uncomfortable.
Alcohol lessens our inhibitions and sensitivity. This means we don’t feel those nerves or self-conscious thoughts so much. It also means everything is duller, so it’s easier to get “in the mood.”
When you strip these factors back, you’re left with a very different experience. You’re suddenly more mindful and conscious of your body. If this sounds scary, don’t worry. You’re not the only one facing these fears.
However, sober sex doesn’t have to be scary. Being vulnerable with your partner can be an empowering experience that leads to a sexier time with better orgasms. What’s not to like about that?
What does sober sex feel like?
So, you’ve heard that sober sex feels different from boozy sex. But what exactly does this mean?
Sober sex differs for everyone. Some feel more in touch with their emotions, whereas others feel more connected with their bodies and physical sensations. On the whole, most report a more present experience and heightened sensations (in comparison to drunk sex).
Some teetotalers also report that they feel more confident communicating about what they want in bed. But this might take some practice if you’re only just having sober sex for the first time.
Here are some other FAQs about sober sex:
Is sober sex more intimate?
Yes, sober sex can be more intimate as you’re more in the moment with your partner. However, sober sex doesn’t have to have a romantic focus if you don’t want it to. You can still have extra kinky sex while sober.
Does getting sober improve your sex drive?
Yes and no. Many expect their sex drive to go into overdrive when they first quit drinking, but this isn’t always the case. It can take some time to start feeling horny again, as quitting drinking often comes with some emotional changes.
However, after you’ve gotten used to sober life, you’ll likely be healthier, and your sex drive will return in spades.
Are more people having sober sex?
Yes! Thanks to Gen Z, more adults than ever are choosing a sober or sober-curious lifestyle. Sober sex is on the rise, with many couples purposely not drinking to have a more exciting experience.
Is sober sex awkward?
This is a very common question that’s difficult to answer, as it changes for everyone. Your first time having sober sex might feel “awkward” because it’s new. But after getting into a good rhythm, the awkwardness will most likely dissipate. Plus, you can use the tips below to approach sober sex with confidence.
How to navigate sober sex
Have you started sober dating? If you’ve come this far, you likely have a sober romp on the horizon.
1. Take it slow
The first rule of sober sex is to go slow and avoid pushing yourself. There’s no fixed way to know if you’re “ready” for sober sex, but if you’re starting to get curious about sex again, it’s a good sign.
You don’t have to jump straight into bed after getting sober (unless you want to!) If you’re unsure, you can start with make-out sessions and slowly work towards intercourse.
2. Communicate your desires and expectations
Talking about what you want, what worries you, and how you feel might sound awkward. But it’s a much better strategy than bottling it all up! Communicate your expectations and boundaries to your partner and listen to theirs. This way, you’ll be on the same page from the get-go.
Also, talking about your sobriety-specific worries might help you let go of some tension and feel better about the whole experience.
3. Focus on the physical feelings, not the finish
Sober or not, it’s easy to focus on orgasms rather than the physical pleasure of sex. Orgasms are great, but if you don’t slow down and enjoy easy touch, you won’t enjoy the experience. Be mindful and observe how your body feels.
This is a win-win, as you’ll feel more pleasure and take your mind away from anxious thoughts.
4. Practice body positivity
For many, the nervousness of sober sex surrounds body-related insecurities. Alcohol can be used to numb anxieties and body insecurities. So, when removed, these self-conscious feelings come flooding back.
Try to practice more self-care and embrace the body positivity movement. This social movement centres around loving your body and feeling your best every day, helping you navigate sex and everyday life with more self-confidence.
5. Remember you can stop at any time
Finally, always remember that you can stop at any time. Sober sex still requires enthusiastic consent.
If you get started and then suddenly realise that you’re not ready for sex, let your partner know. If difficult emotions have come up, take some time to practise self-care or aftercare with your partner. Sober sex is all about feeling good. Don’t continue if it doesn’t!
6. Bonus tip: Stay safe!
With so many new emotions and sensations, sober sex can be a lot to deal with. But don’t forget to have safe sex with contraception!
The takeaway
Whether you’re on a sober dating journey or rekindling a sex life with your partner, it’s important not to rush into it. Take sober sex slowly, and observe your feelings as you go. Not only will this help you avoid uncomfortable experiences, but it will help you experience more pleasure, too. Awesome!
Learn more about sex and relationships via the Vivastreet blog.
