The ABCs of BDSM: A glossary of BDSM terms

Listen up! Do you know your BDSM ABCs? This BDSM Day, we’re learning exactly that and we will walk you through the A to Z of BDSM terms.

Think of this article as your guide to the most common phrases used on the BDSM scene. Some relate to specific sex acts, some to safeguarding practices, and others to identities. If you want to delve into the world of BDSM, consider this page your starting place.

And if you want to make your playtime even more fun, check out these exciting toys that are sure to take any experience to a whole new level.

A – Aftercare

First on the list is aftercare. Aftercare refers to checking in with your partner after a BDSM session or rough play to ensure everyone feels okay with what went down. Think of it as coming back to reality and out of your roles.

B – Bondage

Bondage is the act of tying your partner up or being tied up. Typically, the dominant partner restrains the submissive, but this isn’t a fixed rule. This can be done via handcuffs, ropes, belts, or hooks.

C – Consent

Consent is when you and your partner discuss your expectations and boundaries before starting the BDSM session. Both partners need to agree and give consent before anything happens. This is a non-negotiable.

D – Dominant

Taking on different roles is central to BDSM. Being dominant is one of the most common ones. A dominant takes control of the session, and their partner usually submits it to them.

E – Edgeplay

Edgeplay is about breaking boundaries and ‘playing on the edge’ of your kinks. This looks different for everyone, as it ultimately depends on what you find attractive. Don’t confuse edge play with edging! Edging is all about orgasm control.

F – Findom

Findom is a unique aspect of BDSM, as sometimes you never meet your partner in real life. Sometimes findom relationships are only online. Findom stands for financial domination, a sexual fetish where people submit to a dominant partner by sending them money and cash gifts.

G – Gags

Gags are a famous aspect of BDSM and kinky sex. Usually worn by the submissive, a gag sits in your mouth to stop you from talking back. If you’re turned on by submitting and being restrained, this is something you might want to try.

H – Heat play

Heat play (or temperature play) is a subset of BDSM where you test your partner’s limits with hot or cold objects. This often includes ice cubes, cold towels, warm oils, warming lube, or wax play.

I – Impact play

Whips, spanking, and paddles all fall under impact play – a popular part of the BDSM umbrella. Impact play is the act of hitting your partner during sex. Soft taps and extreme spanks both count in this category.

J – Japanese Shibari

Yes, we mentioned bondage earlier. But Japanese Shibari deserves its own section. Shibari is a type of rope bondage, but it’s more than just restraining your partner. This art involves intricate knots and beautiful designs.

K – Kink

Kink or kinky refers to non-conventional sexual fantasies or practices. Plenty of BDSM activities fall underneath this term, including bondage, sex toys, or experimenting with anal sex.

L – Leather

Leather is an in-demand material in the BDSM community. You’ll find plenty of accessories and outfits made from this durable material. Some people even have a leather kink, meaning they get off on wearing or touching leather.

M – Masochist

A masochist is someone who gets turned on by their own humiliation or pain. Those with a humiliation kink get off on shame and embarrassment, usually through verbal, public, or physical humiliation.

N – Nipple clamps

Nipple clamps are another common toy/accessory in the BDSM space. These are designed to stimulate your nipples and cause stronger orgasms. However, you can purchase more extreme versions that pinch your nipples and cause minor pain.

O – Orgasms

Orgasms are critical to BDSM, especially when you experiment with them. For example, forced orgasms and orgasm denial are two ways you can combine power play and cumming.

P – Power exchanges

Power exchange relationships are a 24/7 extreme version of a dominant and submissive partnership. These include sexual domination and control over what you do in everyday life.

Q – Queer BDSM

BDSM isn’t just a man being in control and a woman submitting. Queer BDSM is just as popular as heterosexual BDSM.

R – Roleplay

What are your deepest fantasies? BDSM roleplay is an excellent way to get in touch with your kinkiest desires. From being arrested by a perverted policeman to pretending to be a kinky maid, the scenarios in BDSM roleplay are endless.

S – Submissive

Submissives are the partner who submits or takes a more passive role in BDSM intercourse. This isn’t defined by gender. Either partner can be the submissive person.

T – Tickle play

This entry might shock you if you haven’t heard of tickle kinks before. But yes, tickling does fall under the BDSM umbrella. In this case, it’s because tickling can be turned into “tickle torture”, where you forcibly tickle a submissive partner.

U – Urination

Also known as golden showers (or water sports), urination is part of the BDSM world. This includes peeing on someone or being peed on. Sexual urination is usually linked to taboo arousal, humiliation, or powerplay.

V – Vanilla

Vanilla sex is the opposite of kinky sex – it’s normal sex without any unconventional bells or whistles. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with preferring vanilla sex!

W – (Safe) words

Safewords are used to keep both partners safe during more extreme BDSM play. A safeword is a word you say to let your partner know you’ve reached your limit and want to stop. Often, a safeword is a random word rather than “no” or “stop” to make it clear you don’t consent any longer.

X – X-rated films

Set the mood for your BDSM experience with some x-rated pornography. Plenty of BDSM players use this to get in the mood or for inspiration.

Y – Your limits

BDSM is often about pushing boundaries and testing your limits. It’s imperative that you know your limits before you start and that you’re comfortable with speaking up if you suddenly feel unsafe or aren’t enjoying the play.

Z – Zoom BDSM

BDSM and sex parties don’t have to be in real life. In a post-2020 world, even Zoom sex parties have gone online. Enjoy an evening of kink and BDSM from your living room. All you’ll need is a webcam and your laptop.

Viva Team