You’ve been dreaming of this fantasy for years, and now you’ve finally got to live it out. But why do you feel so embarrassed afterwards?
Whether you’ve ticked off a bucket list scene or just started to dip your toes in the world of kink, feeling shy or ashamed after getting off is more normal than you think. But you don’t have to put up with the blush-worthy feelings.
In this article, we’re exploring why we feel embarrassed after kinky sex, how shame affects kinky experiences, and what you can do to work through these feelings.
Why we feel embarrassed after kinky sex
Feeling embarrassed after kinky sex is a shared experience. Heck, many of us also feel embarrassed after a vanilla romp.
Today, though sexuality is a common topic, there’s still a lot of taboo that holds us back from truly experimenting without any guilt or shyness. These feelings come from various sources and differ from person to person. However, the main culprits tend to be gender roles, religion, and other strict roles we’ve been brought up with.
These factors aren’t necessarily bad things, but they can sometimes be at odds with our sexual desires.
Even when you experiment in a consensual and open-minded space, you still might have a voice at the back of your mind telling you that you’re doing something naughty. This is what leads to the embarrassment.
Kinks and shame: How they’re linked
Although we briefly discussed the link between sex and shame above, there’s a larger discussion to be had around kink and shame, as more people feel specifically embarrassed after kinky sex than after vanilla sex.
So, why are you more likely to feel shy after a kinky romp?
For most people, the allure and embarrassment of kinky sex lies in its added layer of taboo.
Take the societal pressures and misconceptions around sex we mentioned above and now add an extra layer of unconventional play to the equation. This brings up complex emotions and intrigue, creating the perfect mixed emotion pot.
Some kinksters work through these emotions and come to a balanced place. However, others indulge in kinky sex, feel bad, and repeat the toxic cycle.
Of course, it’s best to work through the emotions. But this is easier said than done. Below, we’ll explore a few strategies you can use to alleviate embarrassment and discomfort after kinky sex!
Strategies you can use to overcome the shame of kinky sex
Have you noticed that you feel a little red in the face after watching or participating in kink?
Again, this is a normal experience. However, you can use the strategies below to improve your relationship with your sexuality:
1. Engage in kink communities
There are plenty of social media and forum communities where kinksters come together and talk about their likes, dislikes, and anything else related to living a kinky lifestyle.
Reading or joining these conversations can help to normalise kink, and you may even read some stories of how others overcame these tough emotions.
You may even pick up a few tips or discover some new turn-ons. Can’t complain about that!
2. Empower yourself with knowledge
Alongside joining or observing communities, you can empower yourself with safety knowledge.
For example, knowing proper bondage or choking techniques will help you engage in safer play, and therefore, you might feel more secure after kinky sex.
3. Work with a therapist
Sometimes, working with a professional is a great way to explore your feelings surrounding sex in a healthy and non-judgemental space.
Sex therapists are experts at helping you improve your attitude towards sex and sexuality in an open-minded ambience. They may help you work out why you’re feeling shy and whether you need to undo any unhealthy thought patterns, and they can provide professional advice and resources to aid your journey.
4. Consider working with sex workers
Working with sex workers can also help you get used to kinky play in a sex-positive space.
Escorts can work with you in person to bring your fantasies to life and to show you how to engage in kink safely and responsibly.
You can also watch live webcam shows or talk about your desires via phone sex lines if you’re not ready for in-person sessions.
Learn more about how sex workers can help with shame here.
5. Learn about human sexuality
Human sexuality is a beautiful and multifaceted topic.
It’s normal to have kinks and fetishes, but since we’re not taught this, standard kinks can feel very taboo.
Reading more about human sexuality can broaden your understanding and help you realise that it’s okay to explore your desires. Kink by R.O. Kwon and Garth Greenwell is a great starting point.
6. Be mindful while playing
Next time you engage in kinky sex, remind yourself to be in the moment and observe how you feel.
Being mindful of how kink makes you feel and that it brings positive feelings to your life can help you come to terms with your enjoyment of it.
However, remembering to be in the moment can take some practice. So, learning more about mindfulness and intentionality can help you here.
7. Don’t restrict yourself
Lastly, feeling embarrassed about enjoying kink can lead many individuals to cease play altogether.
While this might make you feel better when you’re embarrassed, you’ll likely feel pulled to kinky play again in the future – and this is completely okay.
Explore them with an open mind rather than running from your interests, but just remember to go slow and ensure everyone involved is always consenting.
The takeaway
Hopefully, we’ve shown you how normal kink is and that it’s okay to feel a little shy after acting out your fantasy.
However, these feelings shouldn’t cause immense shame or affect your sex life. If they do, it might be time to work with the strategies above to improve your relationship with kinky sex.
Keep learning about sex and relationships now via the Vivastreet blog.
