You’re on a first date. The sparks are flying, and you can’t stop blushing. But suddenly, they utter the dreaded words: “Do you want to get a pint?” Suddenly, you have to explain that, for whatever reason, alcohol isn’t your thing.
Though more young people than ever are cutting out the booze, dating while sober is a big worry for alcohol-free individuals. In this blog, we’re looking at how to navigate sober dating and what you can do to enjoy the experience.
Keep reading for dating expert-approved tips and tricks.
Can you date without drinking?
Yes! While most dates seem to revolve around bars, pubs, and drinking in general, dating while sober doesn’t have to be an issue. More and more people are embracing sobriety or cutting down on alcohol, meaning sober dating is on the rise.
However, it’s natural to be nervous about your first sober dates, especially if you’ve relied on alcohol as a social lubricant in the past. Dating is an anxiety-inducing experience full-stop. But you can meet new beaus without relying on a G&T to break the ice.
Set boundaries with your date and yourself
If you take anything away from this blog, it’s that sober dating is all about boundary-setting. This includes your dates and yourself.
Dating while sober is easiest when you know what you’re comfortable with. So, consider how at ease you’d feel if you went on a date to a bar vs. a cafe. For many sober daters, it’s easier to avoid alcohol-related destinations at first. If you tell your date this, and they keep pushing your boundaries to go to the pub, it’s a sign they’re not suitable for you.
Likewise, if your date makes you feel like an alien for not drinking, uphold your boundaries and don’t cave to their pressure. This is another sign they’re not for you and not a nice person in general.
Ways you can uphold your boundaries include:
- Clear communication
- Knowing your limits
- Not over-explaining or giving excuses
- Reflecting on your feelings
- Practising self-care
- Learning how to say no
Should you tell your date you’re sober?
Whether you’re sober or sober curious, the big question is, “Should I tell my date I don’t drink?” This question has different answers, but it always boils down to doing what makes you feel comfortable.
It’s tough to know which route is best for you if you’ve never been in this situation. So, research and reflect on your feelings before choosing. However, here are the most popular ways to let other singles know you’re sober:
- Include “sober” on your dating profile – Let’s face it. We all use dating apps these days, and luckily, these apps are a great way to rip the sober band-aid off. If you’re confident in your sobriety, you might want to add “sober” or “alcohol-free” into your bio. This way, you’re already weeding out those who are a bit too obsessed with drinking
- Tell them before you meet – If you don’t want the world to know you’re sober but want to get it out the way before the date, it’s a good idea to drop your sobriety into the conversation over text or DMs. With this option, you let them know you’re not a drinker online and won’t end up on a date with someone who isn’t interested in dating someone. Money and time saved – check!
- Tell them on the date – Do you want to see whether the connection is real before revealing your sobriety? This isn’t a problem! You can wait until the first date (or the fifth or even the tenth) to mention that you don’t drink. In this case, it’s great to wait until alcohol even comes up in conversation so you can casually slip it in
There’s no right or wrong way to tell your date you’re sober. Just follow whatever feels natural for you.
5 tips for sober dating
Getting ready to begin sober dating? We’re here to help. Explore the top five tips for dating without the sauce below:
1. Remind yourself why you’re not drinking
When sober dating, you’ll likely be repeatedly asked why you don’t drink. First, you don’t owe anyone this information. Secondly, it can be a great time to reinforce your decision and remind yourself why not drinking is a positive choice for your life. This way, you won’t be tempted to have a tipple.
2. Block anyone who pushes your boundaries
Unfortunately, there’s a chance you might match with people who believe alcohol consumption is a way of life. Anyone pushing your boundaries or questioning your decisions isn’t worth your time. Be liberal with the block button for your mental health.
3. Read about other people’s experiences
Navigating sober dating can feel lonely, especially if your friends aren’t in the same boat. Thankfully, many sober bloggers and social media users are open about their experiences. Reading these can give you valuable insights and extra confidence. So, don’t forget to research.
4. Skip the bars
As mentioned earlier in the blog, if you’re uncomfortable being in bars, remember that you don’t have to go. That’s it.
Dating isn’t a pub or bar-only activity. There are plenty of non-alcohol first date locations to discover. From cafes and cinemas to museums and walks, there’s a world of romantic spots to explore without a cocktail.
5. Consider sober dating apps
Did you know that sober dating apps exist? Yup. There are platforms for those who refrain from drinking, removing the “coming out” moment from the question. This is perfect for anyone who doesn’t want to date a drinker or feels more comfortable amongst fellow teetotallers.
Loosid is one of the fastest-growing dating apps for sober singles. But even some of the mainstream dating apps now cater to sobriety. For example, Bumble offers a sober profile badge, and Hinge allows you to filter out drinkers. Easy.
The takeaway
Whether you have ten years or ten minutes of sobriety under your belt, dating is always a challenging topic. However, just remember to take it slow, stick to your boundaries, and put your sobriety first. Good luck and enjoy!
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