Can Sex Workers Help You Deal with Sexual Shame?

If you’ve realised you carry sexual shame, you might want to begin the process of unlearning it and achieving a fulfilling sex life. There are plenty of routes you can take to heal your relationship with sex. But is working with sex workers a helpful tool?

In this article, you’ll learn what sexual shame is and whether you can work with escorts to improve your feelings around sex and desire.

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What is sexual shame?

Sexual shame or guilt occurs when a person believes that their sexual feelings or aspects of their sexuality are wrong. Shame can also happen when a person feels that others will reject or judge their sexual feelings.

Sexual shame can lead people to keep their feelings a secret or to brush them off completely. Ignoring one’s sexuality can make it harder to align with others and feel accepted, especially since sex is rarely spoken about in certain circles.

Feelings of shame can be so powerful that someone avoids sex altogether. They can also cause you to leave the conversation as soon as sex is mentioned.

Sex and arousal are normal parts of the human experience. Desire is natural, and sex can even provide health benefits.

Sexual shame may lead you to engage in unhealthy behaviours or thoughts, so addressing this discomfort is essential. It’ll lead to a better relationship with sex and improved mental health.

Can working with an escort help you navigate sexual shame?

Part of addressing sexual shame is to face your feelings with an honest lens. For many, this will include acting on your desires and experimenting sexually.

While it might not work for all people, some will greatly benefit from working through their worries with a sex worker. Sex workers and escorts are professionals who provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore desires. This is perfect for those who want to take it slow and work with someone who has experience with similar cases.

Of course, going from no sexual interactions to sex with escorts is a big jump. So, it might be better to address your feelings through counselling or research before you attempt an intimate relationship.

But when you feel ready, communicating with a professional escort could positively impact your relationship with sex.

How will a sex worker help with sexual shame?

There are plenty of ways a sex worker can help with shame. This includes, but is not limited to:

Talking about your desires with honesty and no judgement
Gentle touches and non-sexual contact if you don’t want to have intercourse
Helping you explore kinks and fetishes in a safe space
The chance to explore same-sex sexual interactions

Communicate your preferences to the sex worker before you book. Sex workers must also consent to the session, and some may not provide the services you’re looking for. This is okay, and it’s normal for your desires not to be a match for everyone.

Remember to treat the sex worker with courtesy and be polite if they set boundaries.

Other ways to explore your sexuality

Alongside discovering your sexuality with escorts, there are some other techniques you can use to navigate sexual shame. Often, combining these is the best way to heal yourself and embrace your desire.

Sex therapy

Sexual therapists and counsellors are some of the most powerful tools you can use to address sexual shame.

Sex therapy helps you process feelings surrounding sex and provides a toolkit to help you deal with negative feelings. It can also help you improve happiness and satisfaction in terms of sex.

Some sex therapists are more experienced in sexual shame than others. However, knowing the cause of your sexual shame can help you find a therapist in the right niche (e.g. sexual trauma vs body image worries).

Education

Depending on your age and where you live, you may not have had the best sex education. Understanding the facts about human sexuality makes the conversation less awkward and shows you how natural desire is.

You can find plenty of sex education tools online, such as Sexplanations, an educational YouTube series by Dr. Lindsey Doe.

Sex-positive media

Alongside purely educational content, you might want to explore the world of sex-positive media.

Sex-positive media talks about sex without any shame or mystery. It’s inclusive and provides empowering messages. It also teaches about boundaries, consent, and communication – all critical topics if you’re discovering your sexuality.

See our favourite sex-positive media recommendations here.

Patience

Being patient with yourself is critical as you embark on this journey.

Unlearning sexual shame takes time and consistency. No healing journey is linear. Some days, you may feel positive, and others may feel negative.

Have compassion for yourself and take it slow. While part of the process is facing discomfort, don’t force yourself into anything you aren’t truly ready to face.

Causes of sexual shame

Sexual shame occurs when you feel judged or guilty for your sexuality. This can arise from comments from peers, media portrayals, purity cultures, and plenty more reasons.

Here are some common causes of shame:

Emotional or physical abuse – Any type of abuse can diminish your confidence and sense of self. These are critical for healthy sexual development and, when not present, can lead to sexual shame
Ideas from childhood – Being told off for masturbating or being interested in sex is a common cause of sexual shame. Children internalise these messages, and they can manifest discomfort with sex when they are older
Trauma – Traumatic sexual experiences are extremely difficult to talk about and can leave survivors feeling ashamed or damaged. A sex therapist can help you work through these issues
Feeling alone in identity – Belonging is critical for humans, so feeling alone in your identity or desires can cause sexual shame
Judgement – Openly judgemental remarks about your sexuality can lead to shame in later life
Religious or cultural ideas – Values of chastity, celibacy, and shaming sex that’s not for procreation can cause shame and fear of sex