You may already be familiar with subs and doms in the world of BDSM, but these categories actually come with a number of subsets within them. One of the most misunderstood labels under the umbrella of submissives are brats. The standard understanding of the term brat is not too far off from how they’re understood within kink communities. However, in the context of BDSM play it holds a much less negative tone.
Keep reading to learn more about brats, whether you are one, and how to introduce this dynamic into your relationship.
A brat is a term used within BDSM and kink communities to describe a submissive partner. A brat, despite their submissive nature, has a mischievous streak of disobeying their dominant with either words or actions. They will choose to disobey or resist their dominant partner in a playful, naughty, and disobedient manner. This dynamic is usually created to bring on harsher punishments from the dominant. Typically, the brat will then return to a more submissive behaviour and give in to the demands of the dominant. While they are disobedient and even sometimes rude or impolite, it is always in a joking or light-hearted manner, in the hopes to achieve the desired reaction. Although outside of BDSM communities the term brat is typically reserved as an insult for women or femme-presenting people, in the context of BDSM it is an entirely gender-neutral label – you can be a brat no matter how you identify. Some people take on the role of a brat as a full identity. Others view it more as a behaviour that can be adopted by anyone during play if the moment calls for it.
Brats can choose to act out during BDSM play in a variety of ways. The more creative they are, the more fun they may end up having. Some more common behaviours of brats include having sarcastic or cheeky responses to demands from the dominant partner, attempting to take control, or “top”, or evading touch in a light-hearted or playful way. Depending on the nature of the relationship between the submissive and the dominant, the brat may also choose to veer into a harsher territory. Brats may laugh in the dominant’s face, and outright refuse to comply or talk back. Some other common behaviours include:
This is only a small idea of what brats may choose to do during play. Remember that creativity is key, and you can continue to explore and find new ways to be a brat as time goes on.
There are many different types of brats within BDSM, and these distinctions are especially useful to understand if you or your partner identifies as a brat.
Others may identify more as a “Smart Assed Masochist (SAM)” or a “break-me”. While these are fairly similar and certainly adjacent to bratting, most within BDSM and kink communities will agree they do not technically fall into the same category. This is because most brats see their disobedience as playful, whereas a SAM or break-me will likely be a bit more defiant.
Brats are motivated by different end goals. The best way to know how to play with a brat is to understand what their motivation is. While it is often correctly assumed that brats are always motivated by punishment, this is a bit of a generalisation. It can also be true that brats may have several motivations at the same time or have different motivations each time they play. It’s important to be attuned to the motivations of a brat so that the dominant partner can adjust their actions to work with them.
Some brats may simply be looking for attention. Those with attention as a motivator will likely be appeased if they are adored by the dominant over their insolent behaviour. They will also likely need a lot of attention to adjust their behaviour.
Others will be motivated by trust, to see if the dominant can be trusted, or if they will only stay if the sub is perfectly-behaved. To appease the behaviour of a trust-motivated brat you should show patience and loyalty despite their mischief.
Although brats are most often submissive partners, there is a chance a brat will be motivated by independence. Sometimes they simply want a bit more autonomy in the dynamic you have set out. Allowing space for this will help assuage their behaviour.
And of course, there is punishment. If this is the main motivator of your brat, make sure that you have plenty of conversations ahead of time to agree upon boundaries and punishments that feel safe to you both. Honesty, trust and communication are paramount in any BDSM relationship.
On the one hand, we have brats, and on the other, we have brat tamers. You may be wondering what this is exactly, but the hint is in the title. A brat tamer is a dominant partner in a brat dynamic who responds to bratty behaviour through punishment or discipline. They are typically dominant and enjoy a bit of mischievous behaviour. They also shouldn’t be turned off by a submissive who disobeys. A brat tamer should have a good amount of control and patience to deal with bratty behaviour. They need to maintain a much more flexible demeanour than a traditional, strict dominant. A brat tamer will set clear and strong limits – which the brat will of course test. They should enjoy the chase and fight of getting a brat to bend to their rules.
There are plenty of ways to be a brat tamer. You can roleplay with different dynamics – like boss and secretary, teacher and student and so on. Or stick to your usual roles of submissive and dominant. As a tamer, you should not only give your brat what they want through attention, punishment, or whatever else they need, but also work to earn their respect more broadly. A brat tamer should be quite confident, and not easily flustered or broken under pressure. This is a critical quality to have, otherwise, it may be easy for the dominant partner to fold under the brat’s mischief.
Once you and your partner are on the same page, you can begin to introduce bratty behaviour into your relationship. If you’re new to this dynamic, you can start small and grow into the role as time goes on. Ignore the requests of the dominant partner or defy them slightly when asked. You can even begin by introducing this behaviour in your daily life (if your dynamic stretches beyond the bedroom) before you bring it into your sex life. You can also play with your dominant by provoking them or riling them up with taunts and teasing. When your behaviour elicits a response, you should behave as though you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Resist the urge to apologise and comply until you’ve got what you want, or your partner has “forced” you. That being said, at the end of the day you are still in a submissive role, so don’t hide from your urges to please your partner when the timing feels right. Last but not least, be creative. The more fun you have with this dynamic, the better the results will be.
You don’t have to be submissive to be turned on by brattiness and brat play, but you do have to be submissive to fall into the category of brat. While dominants may engage in behaviour similar to that of a brat, it wouldn’t fall under the umbrella of brat because of the power dynamics involved. A brat must be a submissive who is defying the dominant. However, if you and your partner are both switches, you can both engage in either side of this dynamic.
As is the case with all things BDSM and kink, communication is one of the most important components. If you’re interested in introducing brat behaviour into your relationship, talk to your partner ahead of time. This way, you will get your desired reaction out of your partner. It’s important to always seek confirmation that all parties involved are giving full and enthusiastic consent to the newly introduced dynamics. If your partner is unfamiliar with bratting or is unsure of their interest or role in the dynamic, make sure to be patient and offer more information so they can learn and – hopefully – meet you where you’re at.
If you want to try introducing the brat/brat tamer dynamic into your relationship, there are several things you should discuss to set yourselves up for success. Discuss the motivations behind the bratty behaviour to know how best to respond. Discuss boundaries on both ends – what are the hard lines on both sides that shouldn’t be crossed? Especially if consensual non-consent is involved, introduce a safeword if you do not already have one in place. Overall, brat play isn’t for everyone, but for those who enjoy this kind of dynamic, it can be a very fun and welcome addition to their dominant/submissive relationship. If you want to try out brat play, be sure to have open and honest communication with your partner so that everyone can feel safe and open during your play. And most importantly – enjoy!
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