The A-Z Guide of Sexual Consent for Sex Workers & Clients

Sexual consent is when all people involved in any kind of sexual activity agree to partake by choice.

Any form of sexual activity without consent is an act of sexual violence. This can cause emotional and mental damage to victims with many survivors feeling as though they are somehow to blame.

However, if you have experienced any form of sexual violence, it is important to know that the blame solely lies with the perpetrator(s). It’s also important to stress that sexual consent applies to everyone.

Historically, when it comes to sexual violence, sex workers have been stigmatised. A common myth is that because sex work involves a transaction between two people, exchanging money and companionship (and possibly sexual services), sexual violence does not exist. This is false.

Whether you’re a sex worker or not, sexual violence can happen to anyone and consent needs to be given.

Please read our A-Z list of sexual consent terms to gain a deeper understanding of sexual consent to remain safe or avoid being a perpetrator of a crime.

A is for Age

According to The 2003 Act, the age of sexual consent in the UK is 16 years old. This is regardless of the person’s sexual or gender identity. However, it is illegal to pay for or arrange sexual services of a person under the age of 18. It is also against the law to take, show, or distribute indecent photographs of a child under the age of 18.

B is for Blame

When someone’s car is stolen, we don’t blame the car owner for buying a nice car. Yet, when someone is sexually assaulted, sometimes people blame the victim. Being under the influence of alcohol, walking unattended, and your choice of clothes do not determine consent or cause sexual assault; the perpetrator is solely responsible.

C is for Choice

We all have choices, meaning we don’t have to do anything we don’t want to. If you choose to refuse a sexual act or consent to it and change your mind later – you’re well within your rights to do so, and this should be respected by others. Nobody has the authority to force you to do something you don’t want to.

D is for Drunk

Whether you’re sober or intoxicated, consent still matters. When under the influence, some people can become violent and aggressive towards others, which is a criminal offence. Likewise, having sex with someone that is intoxicated or high can mean they can not legally consent. Again, any form of sex without consent is sexual violence.

E is for Erection

Erections happen for various reasons and are not an indication of consent or desiring sex. Likewise, just because someone has an erection, it does not mean you are under any obligation to perform sexual activity with them. Only you can decide this, not your body.

F is for Filming

For some, filming sexual activity can be pleasurable and fulfill fetish tendencies. However, it is a crime to film and share explicit videos of someone else without their permission. Under section 33 of the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015, it is also against the law to threaten or blackmail someone using this as leverage. This is also called ‘revenge porn’.

G is for Gender

Regardless of your gender or sexuality, consent is valid and is everyone’s responsibility. There is no dominant gender when it comes to the consent of sex, no matter your race, religion or cultural background. You have the right to choose what happens to your body, nobody else.

H is for Happy

Happiness is vital for a healthy relationship or connection. Whether it’s a one-off fling or a long-term partner, you both should be happy with any sexual activity you partake in, and shouldn’t be done in spite of not wanting to just please the other person. Make sure you’re both enjoying the experience – and you can find out by just asking.

I is for Intimidation

When it comes to sexual assault, many people believe this is only applicable if there is physical force involved. Using other forms of intimidation, such as verbal threats and bullying, or even manipulation, pressure and deception are tactics that can be used to assault someone.

J is for Judgement

As human beings, sometimes we can experience an error of judgement. No matter how aroused you are, only have sexual intercourse with someone if you feel entirely sure they consent to it. If you’re unsure, seek consent or stop.

K is for Kiss

A kiss is just a kiss. It is not a contract or indication that intimacy must proceed further (e.g. sex) and you don’t have to partake in any other sexual activity if you don’t want to. You are free to withdraw your consent at any time, even if you’ve started kissing or touching someone.

L is for Law

Consent is a legal requirement and is a law to safeguard everybody. Always take a moment to think about what you’re doing before going ahead with your actions. Not only does consent protect your partner or the other person, but it also protects you from criminal consequences.

M is for Marriage

Just because marriage ties you and your partner together in the eyes of the law, it does not mean you no longer have authority over your body. When it comes to sex, you and your partner are not entitled to anything from one another, and it is still important to ask, check in and listen. Consent applies whether you’re married or not.

N is for No

No means no, and you should stop – immediately. Also, silence, not responding, and uncertainty are still not consenting and should be considered as ‘no’. If the other person feels frightened, intimidated, or is too intoxicated, it can be hard for them to say ‘no’ or ‘stop’. Consent is not consent until there is an enthusiastic ‘yes’.

O is for Online

Dating apps and social media should be an enjoyable way to form relationships and stay connected with others. But cyberstalking and sharing unwanted explicit material, such as “dick pics” happens very often, creating an unpleasant experience, and causing offence for some. While sexting is normal between daters, if the person you’re talking to has not asked for or agreed to see explicit images, don’t send it.

P is for Photos

Like filming, it is a criminal offence to photograph, screenshot and share explicit photos of someone else without their consent. This can be a devastating and embarrassing experience for the victim, and you should always ask beforehand. Using these photos as revenge porn is also illegal.

Q is for Questions

Always ask questions, no matter what. Asking questions is the best way to be sure that you get consent and that everyone is enjoying themselves. It’s also a way to show that you care and are considerate about other people’s feelings.

R is for Recovery

Being a victim of sexual violence can cause emotional and mental distress. It can also take a long time to recover from sexual violence, and recovery looks different for everyone.

If you are with someone who has experienced sexual violence, you can support them by making them feel comfortable. Ask them if it is okay to touch them intimately, reassure them of their choices, and check that you have consent.

S is for Stealthing

Stealthing is when someone removes a condom during sex without the other person knowing. When this happens, they are changing the sexual activity to one that their partner hasn’t consented to, particularly unsafe sex. If you desire to have unprotected sex (although it’s not advised to), this must be agreed upon between both parties. Stealthing is considered sexual violence by UK case law.

T is for Touch

Whether it’s kissing, groping or brushing up against someone in a sexual manner, unwanted sexual touching is a criminal offence. This can happen anywhere, such as bars, the workplace or on public transport. Sometimes the perpetrator can act in a way that makes the abuse appear “accidental” or “imaginary”, and victims can be accused of blowing things out of proportion. No matter what the perpetrator or bystanders say, no one has the right to touch you in any way without your consent, and this is sexual assault.

U – Unprotected sex

Some people prefer sex without protection because they believe it feels better. But having unprotected sex is risky and can increase your chances of catching an STI. It’s not okay to pressurise someone into having unprotected sex or make them feel guilty about it. It’s also a crime to remove a condom during sex without the other person’s consent (see: Stealthing).

V is for Violence

Sexual violence is an umbrella term used for unwanted or nonconsensual sexual acts or activity, including sexual assault and sexual abuse. This can be committed by anybody, such as a partner, ex-partner, family member, friend, colleague, acquaintance, someone you’re dating or used to date. Sexual violence is not only committed by strangers.

W is for Who

It’s easy meeting people online, but it’s difficult to know if they are genuine or they are who they say they are. For your safety, make sure you question everything before consenting. You can’t fully consent if you are unsure about the truth of someone.

X is for X-rated

Many people’s sexual lives are influenced by porn. Don’t pressure someone to try something sexual just because you’ve seen it in an adult movie. Remember, porn does not accurately portray realistic sex, and the people being filmed are just actors. If you want to try something new in the bedroom, make sure your partner consents and they will enjoy it too.

Y is for Yes
Consent can be expressed both verbally and through non-verbal cues. As well as saying ‘yes’, other ways to express their consent can be looking at you while smiling and nodding and being enthusiastic and responsive. However, these cues don’t solely represent consent but can reflect consent. Therefore, to be extra cautious, it is necessary to still seek verbal confirmation.

Z is for Zero Tolerance

At Vivastreet, we have zero tolerance for sexual violence against anybody, including sex workers. We aim to participate in a world where people can safely purchase physical intimacy and sex workers can carry out their jobs safely, freely and without the threat of sexual violence.

If you’re a sex worker who has been a victim of sexual violence, we urge you to contact the authorities for help.

Alternatively, you can seek support from our partner National Ugly Mugs who provide sex workers access to justice and protection for those at risk of dangerous individuals. Other organisations you can go to for support include: