Children are a miracle. From falling pregnant to enjoying life with a newborn, every moment of raising young ones is extraordinary and, safe to say – hectic.
Whether you’re caught up in the bliss of growing your family or feeling like a sleep-deprived zombie, jumping under the sheets for a moment of passion is likely the last thing on your mind. But as you grow into your roles as parents, it’s time to reintroduce sex and romance back into your routine.
In this article, we’ll explore why libidos drop after you have children, and we’ll also list some strategies to spice things back up.
Let’s get into it.
Why do new parents lose their sex drive?
It’s normal for new parents to experience a dip in their sex drive (libido) once a new baby is born. Looking after little ones is a full-time job that doesn’t leave much time for intimacy or even self-care. Simply put, there are more important things to do at this stage of the game.
Not only that, but new mothers are experiencing some unique bodily changes. From the trials and tribulations of breastfeeding and hormonal surges to literally recovering from childbirth or a C-section, it‘s often best to wait until you get down and dirty again.
Add a lack of sleep into the mix, and you have a recipe for a lack of desire.
Take it slow at first
Before we start listing the tips, it’s crucial to be patient throughout this process. Whether due to tiredness or healing, there might be some obstacles that will disrupt your bedroom moments.
It’s crucial to treat each other with empathy. If one of you isn’t feeling ready, it’s important not to force the situation. Remember, you will be intimate again. It’s not a matter of if, but when. You will get there!
How long should women wait before having sex after a baby?
Most doctors suggest waiting at least six weeks before having penetrative sex after having a baby. This goes for vaginal births and C-sections.
Many women like to wait until their first postnatal check-up to ensure everything is okay.
You will feel sore and tired after childbirth. Your hormones may also decrease vaginal lubrication. It’s imperative to wait and heal before you have sex.
Remember that both partners need to give consent, and you can always say no. If you don’t feel ready or are experiencing pain after six weeks, you can talk to your GP or health visitor for extra assistance.
Make time for intimacy
When you’ve had a baby, it’s normal to want to spend every hour cuddling and caring for it. Keeping babies close is natural and important for their development! However, you should also set time to be close to your partner.
At first, you can spend time together watching your favourite shows or ordering food. When you feel ready, you can consider getting a babysitter you trust to watch your little one while you and your partner spend some time together.
Even if you’re not ready for penetrative sex, spending a few uninterrupted hours together can strengthen your emotional intimacy and keep the spark alive.
Explore the alternatives
If you’re starting to feel your libido again but aren’t ready for penetrative sex, you’re not entirely out of options. Oral sex and masturbation are excellent ways to pleasure each other and reignite the spark without going all-in.
Remember to stock up on flavoured lubes, condoms, and sex toys. These extra accessories can make the play extra exciting and inspire you to try something new.
Be open and honest
Communication is a must in any intimate situation. But it’s even more critical when you’re revitalising your sex life after a baby.
Keep communicating how you feel. Open up about the good, the bad, and the ugly.
It’s easy to push worries under the rug, especially if you’re worried about upsetting your partner. Sex is a sensitive topic, but that only makes it more critical to talk about.
Tell your partner how ready you feel and how far you’re happy to go. Stating these verbal boundaries gives accurate expectations and ensures you’re both on the same page.
Likewise, actively listen to your partner’s feelings. This way, you can also meet their needs.
Set aside time for self-care
Another key reason sex goes out the window after kids is due to a lack of self-care.
And no, we’re not talking about reading a book or bingeing Netflix. New parents often don’t even have time to shower or brush their teeth, so reintroducing hygiene, well-being, and beauty treatments can help raise your self-esteem.
The better you feel, the more likely you’ll be in the mood. So, use that expensive shampoo or make time for a shave where possible.
Take the mental pressure away
Often, couples get so focused on having sex again after a baby that the idea of sex becomes stressful in itself. Any couple who has had difficulty conceiving will already know this feeling.
If you’re noticing that the idea of sex is stressful or unpleasant, strip the focus back and instead prioritise feeling close and showing emotional intimacy. The physical side will follow suit in no time.
Don’t give up
Imagine you’ve set aside time for a romantic evening together. It’s the first time you’ve carved out some quality time since the baby was born, but you’ve both been up all night, and now the idea of an early night sounds sexier than a romp.
There’s nothing embarrassing about this, and it’s also where honesty and communication come in.
However, you shouldn’t let one or two failed attempts ruin your progress. Keep spending time together and embracing romance. Before you know it, you’ll be back in the swing of things again.
The takeaway
It might seem like your sex life is beyond repair, but we promise it’s normal to experience a dry spell after having children. Your bedroom will be on fire again in no time. Just take it slow and approach the topic with empathy. And remember, if vaginal sex isn’t on the menu, you can explore other things!
Read more about sex and relationships on the Vivastreet blog now.
