Love languages are an interesting buzzword in the dating sphere. Some gurus make them out to be the be-all and end-all of relationships. So, what happens if you and your partner have different love languages?
Today, we’re looking at whether incompatible love languages are a sign your relationship is unlikely to work out and what you can do to make each other feel heard. Luckily, mismatched love languages aren’t an awful sign.
Scroll down to find out why.
What are love languages?
Love languages describe the five main ways people give and receive love in a relationship. These were created by Gary Chapman in 1992 to help couples make each other feel appreciated.
The five love languages include:
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
Since we all give and receive love in different ways, it’s essential to understand your partner’s preference. This way, you can make sure they feel loved and comfortable.
What happens when your love languages don’t match?
At first, mismatched love languages sound like a relationship killer. But it’s unlikely that you and your partner will be on the same page. This is only natural, as we’re all different.
One partner’s unwillingness to learn about love languages can ruin a relationship. You can easily accommodate your partner’s needs, but if one person refuses to do so, it’s not a good sign.
Signs of incompatible love languages
Worried that you and your partner have incompatible love languages? Here are some signs that you and your partner show love differently:
1. Miscommunication
Miscommunications happen occasionally. However, constant mishaps might indicate that you and your partner express love in different ways.
2. Feeling discontent
Feeling generally unhappy even though nothing is “wrong” could be a sign that your love language needs aren’t being met.
3. Showing love feels like a chore
If giving your partner the love they need feels more like an obligation than a real expression of love, it might mean their love language doesn’t match yours.
For example, they might love receiving gifts, but to you, buying non-essential gifts is a waste of money.
4. Feeling under-appreciated
If you feel unseen or unappreciated even though your partner shows you love, it might indicate that their love language doesn’t work with yours.
For example, if you like to be told “I love you” in words and your partner showers you with kisses instead, you might feel unloved despite the affection.
5. General frustration
Finally, if you’ve told your partner how you express love and they’re not listening, it’s understandable that you feel frustrated. But you must work through it together or consider whether you can overlook these feelings.
Can you make different love languages work?
The short answer is yes, you can make a relationship work with different love languages. However, the key word here is “work.” You’ll have to put the effort in to make them feel appreciated.
For some couples, this isn’t a big deal. They’re happy to go the extra mile to show their partner love despite it not being their natural way to show affection.
However, for others, giving love in a way that doesn’t match their natural expression feels awkward. Some simply can’t be bothered to communicate and learn. In this case, you might want to examine whether you want to be with someone too lazy to learn your love language.
Remember, love languages are a two-way street. As much as your partner needs to learn yours, you must also put in the time and learn theirs.
Tips for learning your partner’s love language
If you’re here you’re likely interested in showing your partner love in their chosen language. Here are ways you can show love in each language, plus some extra tips for navigating love languages:
How to show love in each language
Physical touch
To show love to a partner who prefers physical touch, prioritise physical closeness and non-sexual affection (e.g. holding hands, kisses, cuddling, and hugging). Sexual touch can also be part of this love language, but ask for consent first.
Acts of service
For acts of service, focus on doing something kind or helpful for your partner. This could be cooking a nutritious meal, helping them with errands, or even cleaning the house. Doing chores can be loving!
Words of affirmation
If your partner’s language is words of affirmation, it means they want to hear how much you love them. Compliments also fall into this category. So, go forth and say, “I love you”. Tell your partner how much they mean to you with words, not actions.
Quality time
As the name suggests, quality time is all about spending time with your partner. This must be uninterrupted, so make sure you’re not on your phone while chilling. You could also plan walks, eat together, or simply watch movies together.
Receiving gifts
Receiving gifts is the most misunderstood of all the love languages, as it’s not about expensive presents. Instead, receiving gifts is about the thought and meaning behind the present. Give your partner a homemade gift, an item with personal meaning, or simply something affordable like flowers.
Prioritise honest communication
Open and transparent communication is vital when discussing love languages. You need to let your partner know how you feel, as they can’t guess how you best receive love.
Listen to your partner
Alongside expressing yourself, you must listen to what your partner has to say. From learning their love language to questions about yours, ensure you’re actively listening and engaging in the conversation.
Speak up if something’s not right
Your partner might not get things right on the first try — and that’s OK. However, you need to speak up and let them know. Otherwise, they might repeat the mistake. Tell them sooner rather than later, as they might be upset if you pretend everything is alright for a long time.
The takeaway
Don’t stress if you’ve realised your love languages are incompatible. It’s the first step towards better communication and more appreciation. Hopefully, this blog has showcased that you can be in a relationship with different love languages. It simply takes a few open conversations and some new habits.
Learn more about sex and relationships on the Vivastreet blog.
