Whether you’re with a partner or flying solo, women often face more barriers to orgasm. From lack of biological knowledge to mental blocks, it’s no surprise that 20% of women claim they’ve never orgasmed, and a shocking 50% wish they could orgasm more.
Though not so taboo anymore, the female orgasm has always divided opinion. This has led to a general misunderstanding and a lack of pleasure for women worldwide. But we want to change that!
Keep reading to understand the general components of the female orgasm and how you can increase your chances of having one. Like the sound of that? We do, too.
Let’s go.
Why are women less likely to orgasm?
Before we jump into the juicy stuff, it’s essential to discuss the orgasm gap. This is a term that refers to the difference between male and female orgasms (in the context of heterosexual sex).
Women are having fewer orgasms than men, and studies have even found that in heterosexual, newlywed couples, 49% of wives have consistent orgasms. This sounds even worse when you realise 87% of husbands are achieving orgasms routinely.
So, we bet you’re wondering why the gap exists. Experts aren’t exactly sure. Some think it’s purely biological, whereas others blame a lack of sexual education and shame surrounding female sexuality and pleasure.
How to have your first orgasm?
If you haven’t orgasmed before but are interested in reaching your peak, it’s important to note that real orgasms aren’t like the screaming finales you see in films. While some may have that reaction, others don’t.
What’s really important is that you take the pressure off yourself and reframe your goals. Rather than thinking of orgasm as a be-all and end-all achievement, instead, focus on simply enjoying the pleasure.
Here are some tips you can use to enjoy sexual experience and make orgasm more likely:
1. Consider it a journey
To quickly build on the above information, you should focus on the journey rather than the destination. This sounds cliche, but it’s a tried and tested way to remove the mental blocks that might be stopping your orgasms.
2. Make sure you’re in a comfortable surrounding
There’s no point in trying to orgasm if you feel uncomfortable. Make sure you’re somewhere you won’t be distracted or interrupted. Knowing you’re in a safe space will also lead to a more relaxed mindset.
3. Take time to get in the mood
You need to be turned on before you orgasm! So, take time to set the mood and think sexy thoughts. An erotic story, pornography, or your imagination can help with this.
4. The physical stuff
Now to the important part – how you should touch yourself.
Everyone likes different sensations and speeds. However, if you have a vagina and clitoris, a good place to start is by massaging the fleshy area above your clit. From here, you can slowly work down to reach your clitoris.
Typically, you’ll find yourself wanting to rub harder and faster. Experiment with pressure and speed until you feel like you’re going to lose control.
You may also want to experiment with some vaginal penetration, through your fingers or with a sex toy. Different sensations mixed together might bring you closer to a peak.
What if you don’t orgasm?
If you’ve tried and not succeeded, don’t panic. Some people can orgasm easier than others, and if you haven’t had one, it doesn’t mean orgasm is impossible for you.
You might want to consider your last attempt and assess what happened. Did you feel like you were almost going to orgasm, or did you not feel anything at all?
Did you enjoy the sensations? Or do you think a sex toy or a different approach could help you get more turned on?
Were you stressed out at all during or before the session? Life stress (work, health, and relationships) can also impact your ability to feel sexual pleasure, even though it doesn’t seem related.
Consider trying again with different variables. Yes, this sounds a little like a science experiment. But it’s a fun one! If at any point masturbation or sex no longer feels pleasurable or safe, you should set a boundary and stop.
Should you see a doctor if you can’t orgasm?
It’s not usually recommended to see your GP if you can’t orgasm unless you’re also experiencing pain or signs of an infection.
However, you can address orgasms with a sex therapist. Unlike doctors, sex therapists are professionals who deal with the psychological side of sexuality. For example, they can help with communication, body confidence, sex education, and releasing the mental blocks associated with orgasm.
What actually happens to your body when you orgasm?
When learning to orgasm, it can be helpful to understand what your body biologically goes through when you cum.
It’s also worth noting that not all orgasms are the same. Some can be stronger and more intense than others. Some might be very small. Note what moves bring you close to each type.
Physical symptoms of an orgasm in women include:
- The feeling of a sudden release or relief of sexual tension
- Higher blood pressure
- Faster heart rate
- Quick, short breaths
- Involuntary muscle contractions (e.g. in feet, abdomen, or legs)
- Your vagina and uterus contract
You might experience all of these things or only one or two. There’s no right or wrong combination.
Other ways to increase the chance of orgasm
Playing with different elements can help you get closer to orgasm. Follow what you’re drawn to and start playing with your fantasies.
Here are some common turn-ons that may inspire your sex life:
- More time on foreplay or external stimulation
- Adding a ‘story’ or romance into the session
- Touching non-sexual parts of yourself (e.g. your stomach or legs)
- Experiment with kissing (if with a partner)
- Play with your senses through blindfolds or ice
The takeaway
Orgasms might feel a world away. However, as you keep exploring pleasure, you’ll get closer to the big O. It’s vital that you take the pressure off yourself and focus on pleasure. If you’re only focusing on cumming, it might take the enjoyment out of the practice and leave you feeling frustrated.
Learn more about sex and relationships on the Vivastreet blog.
